Breaking: GMG to Introduce Halo On All Kinja Websites

"scoob" (scoobsti) 04/01/2018 at 15:00 • Filed to: gmg please don't sue me or something, satire

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The future of Kinja (above)

After a few months of gathering data related to ad-blockers on its websites, the GMG has announced it will be adding the controversial “halo” to Oppositelock, with all other Kinja websites to follow in the coming weeks and months.

The GMG has stated that a “substantial portion” of its user base has been accessing its websites with ad-blockers enabled, which caused the websites to generate less revenue. To try and mitigate this, developers added “anti-ad-block measures” to all their websites. These measures, such as the “You obviously love great burnout videos” popup on Jalopnik, were frequently ignored by the users.

Faced with a dilemma, the GMG had to act. They needed to generate revenue, but users weren’t going to voluntarily disable their ad-blockers. As a solution, the GMG decided to add the halo to all its websites, but only for users who didn’t disable their ad-blockers.

Just one week after an extensive private beta test, the GMG claimed the testers said they had “no visibility” issues, and thus greenlighted the addition of the halo. In a statement, the GMG said, “Users will still be able to read content on the websites because if they concentrate and look hard enough they won’t see the halo.”

KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time > scoob 03/23/2018 at 11:18

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Looks like a thong

HammerheadFistpunch > scoob 03/23/2018 at 11:20

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I can’t wait to hear Jezabels take on it...

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > HammerheadFistpunch 03/23/2018 at 11:22

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This is a thong. This is definitely a thong.

No butts about it.

HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute > scoob 03/23/2018 at 11:24

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Nice knowing y’all

HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute > scoob 03/23/2018 at 11:26

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In other news: WHOOPEE

Akio Ohtori - RIP Oppo > scoob 03/23/2018 at 11:27

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I can’t decide if this is a joke or not.

Also: I had my adblocker enabled. Then they started with half-page, auto-play video ads and... no. Just no.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute 03/23/2018 at 11:30

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Who’s the guy on the left supposed to be

Wheelerguy > HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute 03/23/2018 at 11:31

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Oh look, it’s Carolina and her mother.

HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 03/23/2018 at 11:36

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Hell if I know. Halo’s ass. Just posted this because he said Halo and it reminded me of the days when my friend was obsessed with it xD

scoob > HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute 03/23/2018 at 11:38

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So soon?

You’ve only been here 5.5 seconds!

HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute > scoob 03/23/2018 at 11:40

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Goddammit

TheTurbochargedSquirrel > scoob 03/23/2018 at 11:41

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It blocks the ads at the top of the page, seems like a win to me.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > HondoyotaE38: A Japanese and German Collab...wait a minute 03/23/2018 at 11:58

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HALO 5: jardiance

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > scoob 03/23/2018 at 11:59

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Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > scoob 03/23/2018 at 12:02

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...what?

UltraLibKinjaGod > scoob 03/23/2018 at 12:24

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A halo won’t save you from Chrome crashing if you have too many tabs open.

unclevanos (Ovaltine Jenkins) > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/23/2018 at 13:13

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Halo 6: Pillar of Autumn 2 Electric Boogaloo

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time 03/23/2018 at 13:17

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It’s a “G“-String, y’know, for Gawker

Matt Nichelson > scoob 03/23/2018 at 13:28

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pip bip - choose Corrour > scoob 03/24/2018 at 07:47

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please do NOT give them ideas!

Stef Schrader > scoob 03/24/2018 at 11:34

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!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

Ahem. GMG’s all about that closed-cockpit life.

winterlegacy, here 'till the end > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 04/01/2018 at 16:39

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Halo 5: Jaundice